credit

i have no idea- my credit score. my “rating.” this prompts a topic about me that is too gorgeous in content for this particular writing.
but, of things credit, i have observed this about myself: pride and credit and the ego that is served by such foods, has no meaning for me. no feeling. well, no feeling initially. to be sure, there is no positive or negative feeling initially, the negative or adverse feelings and reactions i may have to limelighting develop well after my initial feelings. i believe it is the intuitive knowledge of experience and understanding that frames thought into reality; and in that realization of context comes my repulsion. the feeling is honest; not influenced by fear, control, or comfort. at times i feel lonely by it. but it is my gathering, the result of everything that has contributed to me and i appreciate that immensely of all things. i observe that my reactions, my feelings are not something i command. it is, at best, something i can influence.

there is nothing for the result of eventuality. ultimately all things are by way of the essence of evolution. that which exists does so as a result of all that has contributed to it. the contribution could be the absence or addition of something, context, etc.
persistence-of-something and product are results, indicators, reference points in time and moment. these “parts” are not the whole. they are abstract and static representations of the whole, just as the individual is a reflection of the whole. and the whole is infinite.
following the social standard of what “credit” is (having accomplished, completed, or done something), i do not feel it in me to make claim to. it would be like claiming credit for having moved appendage, waking up, or going to the bathroom. and although those things are considered “automatic” and based in instinct “without thought,” for me having completed a thesis, invented a new device, baking, developing new areas of study in mathematics or social-economic models aligning diverse classes of people, etc. (to any level of quality or recognition) is just as “resultant” as those parts of our nature that are usually taken for granted.
however, i am human- and thus cannot help but appreciate the celebration and familiar-made recognitions of events and happenings.

emotion...
i appreciate the attributes that make things what they are. and in this i find the importance through my bond with the “social group.” and i have come to appreciate more these attributes, these differences and similarities in myself. it helps me to get past my intellect, to derive nourishment from the cooperation of everything that thinks my brain. and so, versatile rhythms are revealed to me that welcome unity rather than separation. It is not marketing or “whatever i need to tell myself,” it is a deep and honest connection formed without force, intellectual purpose, or design. it is understanding and acceptance, something that is exponential with, and benefits from, plenty of reflection. whether the reflection is direct or indirect, from others or oneself, reflection is an amplifier of observation and experience.
emotion also amplifies. it does so with awareness beautifully. it may be anomalous to a god, robot, or alien – “those humans are so silly, so inefficient with their dubious chemical logic” but that is what we are. that is who i am. the “balance” that i continue to talk about, the inherent balance borne into our nature- the one affected by the dynamic of our evolution(or as i like to put it “instinct and intellect”), is our medium. it is we. it is neither excuse or absolution of responsibility or any other kind of intellectual construct. it simply “is” our state.

my mind draws a blank upon checks of ego. the bond of familiarity, however, creates a wealth; one that cannot be claimed or controlled. it exists only amoung the connections of those bonds. its wealth is exponentially grown the more that is added to the bond.
or
i don’t care about popularity or if anyone knows of the things i create, say, have said, coined, or done. but i do care about sharing my experience my “gatherings.” connections made for contribution to the whole. and the more people that connect with each other the more diverse and amplified the collection of experience they have. the connection, the bond – is inherently protected from those who would try to control or covet because once controlled or coveted the bond fades away leaving behind an empty carapace of perceived comfort.