commons

human life seems to be a balance between instinct and intellect. neither one can be excluded from human attribute.
to be one's self... difficult in a social dynamic that demands conformity.

an artist is an artist, probably at conception.. probably set into motion with the foods eaten by the parents..
well, its the genetic line.
random events align to create an "artist."

"hidden" until a time where the behaviour they keep is exposed.. usually due to the wane or elimination of like behaviour in the artist's surround.
an artist usually, but gradually, begins "exposure" after age 5(ish). once in school, it begins.

once an artist is made to be aligned with unbalanced rules or generalized "system," they begin to reveal themselves whether they want to or not.


art seems to have to be blatantly abstract to be understood, recieved, and thus.. liked and taken ultimately as "contribution."
as an example: i have on my desk a "clear" lifesaver candy in a glorious clear wrapper (i think it may be coconut). i "see" so much in this piece, this object. but to most it is just an uneaten candy.. a wrapped candy. "clutter."
but enlarged or put into an assembly(assemblage) then people begin or have the possibility of being able to "see" the wonders in the object or the object itself - to feel the beauty of existence.

art is like a translation. a translator of existence. the "artist" is a kind of translator.

the star is true

i find more and more that human intellect(state of evolution) is in trials. growing pains.
balance is lost to the roar of comfort.
artists have suffered prison... still suffer the rules and ways.. tradition. intellect. study. thought- idea.
to then "unlearn"

instinct emotion feel intuition observation

why canvas? why frame? matting?
colour matching interior decor.
a capture of imagination- emotion... to coordinate with the couch?
tried and proven... means "safe" then? yes- that is it. safe. comfort. longevity. expression and pure emotion is sacrifieced for intellectual constructs.
the hands are free; the mind, even freer.

we bind ourselves with ceremony and expectation- anticipation.

the exaggerated lore of the beast can be cast away. it can remind the lost sailor the balance of the sea. a balance to see.

blue

i see blue. i sea bleu. icee blue.
slush.

blue is suffocation. desperation. imagination. slumber.
blue is a whisper
a fortune teller.

electric. dynamic.
organic.
blue embraces and secrets
but it is honest and intuitive
it ultimately reveals,
even without consent.

"centaur"

that is to say: "too bad" or "deal with it"

tcotz

tcotz is a word that represents many elements for me. one element is that of "see-thru." things like bubble gum machines, or store-front windows, marbles, or jello, amber or ice.

the earliest feeling i have for my love of tcotz, that i can recall, is of the preschool popping-ball push toy.

phrase

[old name that, when it was new, presented itself to me out of necessity to describe how i felt/feel about the byproduct of creativity- specifically traditional "artworks"]

"oxidized narrative"

be

i am because of everything i am or am afforded. whether that be resource, opportunity, experience, ability, vision or perspective, awareness, knowledge, etc.

i do not believe in predetermined "fate" but what i feel or believe is something similar. it is about eventuality, pattern, habit, equation, odds, chance, and predictabitliy. the elements that exist create what becomes. i feel this even if i see it an impossible thing to prove or know.

i feel that i simply feel. a reaction is to express my emotion or thought by mashing tangibility. is it for reflection or for process. the former equating to intellect, the latter to instinct. i don't feel that i'm expressing for others or my indulgent self.. it is a life necessity. but i also feel a connection with my kind: humans.
i need connection. connection, reflection, feedback, interaction- with humans. especially humans that i rhyme with, connect with. i lack continually close relationships. i do not limit that to meaning spacial presence, i include mental ones too.

plural

the way humans communicate.
the need for explanation. curiosity. answers. safety. fear. inner-circle prerequisites. marketing. understanding. etcetera.

i find no one medium or style or resons that i would or can limit myself to. the "voice" is too dynamic and organic for that. it is not even a question to me. that any relative one-thing could be rested-on to give breath and language to the "voice."

paintings, "multychs," sculptures, multi-media, installations, experimental, film, etc. are pale static forms, but there is always a loss when something becomes tangible.
organic to static.
underground to popular.
unknown to known.
but tangible is our relative nature. that speaks to us.
it is a wonderful process medium.

intellectual interruption

artists get frustrated because their "voice" gasps for a language to speak with. but there is the element of intellectual interruption or baggage or habits that disrupt the dialogue of the "voice." an artist is or must be organic. changing. adapting. learning. exploring.

example:
picasso was "alllowed" to be organic, to explore through various kinds of medium or styles or reason.
perhaps warhol too.
pollock and morrison were not afforded that freedom. at least not by society.
the "voice" is always changing- dynamic, and the artist either breathes or not. exhales or not. there is no possiblity of choosing the voice or not having one. artists are a type of human that, by will or nature, work closely with the "voice." the "voice" is not a part of the artist. it is the artist. the more that an artist realizes this or allows themselves to "be," the clearer the voice becomes.

passing thoughts

my thoughts see through a false crown of paper. imagination is as fleeting and charming in its change. my pocket is fool.
with coin and phrase i will contribute to my kind and culture.

i must.

i would like feedback to know my effectiveness.. to adjust to do better but no accolade. no fame or recognition.

don't remember me, feel me. my gathered experience contributes to the social momentum. we all do this.
i need to do more.

quijote

[trying to put to phrase and word, the way i feel about the way i “see” things; and that most humans have access to this vision if they only accept the spectacles]

“we each contribute to the glass that grants (us) vision into the quixotic layers of awareness.”

antisocial acronyms

i wonder if it is simple oversight or if there is a substantial presence of elitism or esoteric cliqueism when it comes to the use of acronyms without establishing the root words. this first occurred to me when on ebay. there are many instances of “industry” acronyms being used by various individuals that are never defined in the descriptions. it was frustrating to me that this kind of “anti-social” behavior (at least at it’s root) would persist so prevalently on ebay and, eventually i would find, the internet.responsible use of acronyms in a social setting would be to define the root words at the first occurrence and then freely use the acronym from then on. otherwise a sense of separation, isolation, and elitism is insinuated whether that is the intention or not.

logic-based toilet roll installation

experiment and resultant logic state that: toilet paper installation that fits the inherent motions of human physical articulation is one where the paper feeds from the top down and towards the human. this follows the motion of the arm and hand as situated from either a sitting or standing position. one-handed removal of the selected paper does not appear to be any more difficult in either of the two ways of installing toilet rolls and thus is not regarded as a factor in the final results.
the exception would be the presence of free roaming pets with access to the toilet paper dispenser. in this situation installing the toilet roll so that paper feeds from the bottom and up towards the human would be favourable. this is especially effective for dogs that would otherwise paw entire rolls onto the floor.

when it comes to the debate on which way to install a toilet paper roll, the most likely culprit of impasse in conversation or argument is one of emotional and/or associative ties – especially ones of mental comfort or “habit.”

the installation method identified in this writing is umbrella to both private and public toilet venues.

poof

earlier, i was thinking of something that would be great to write about. but then i forgot it. then i realized how much of an issue this is with me. poof. gone. that’s what happens to my thoughts, important or trivial. i’m sure there are self-help methods or assisted methods out there that help to retrain or reshape the brain. maybe i’m one of those people who doesn’t think they need assistance or help. perhaps it’s just my frustration over the convolution of the way those sort of books or resources are written/taught/presented.
writing things down doesn’t help consistently/reliably. i’d have to write things down for the things i write down. and that is an exponent that would drive me mad before i would accomplish anything: lists for my lists for my lists for my lists...

i try to keep paper and pencil, and the like, around me so that i can grab these thoughts before they dissipate into the ridiculous-and-air*. but even that practice is not reliable/consistent. i have to remember to have the paper, the implement. i am not so scatterbrained or absent-minded as i make it seem, i just notice that i’m not as consistent/reliable as my ideal for myself holds, and i also have a tendency to forget the good that outweighs the perceived “bad” things. so, at times, i can make things sound a lot more dire than they actually are.

what was that thing that i wanted to write about though? it is still on my brain. It was good. it occurred to me while watching “eternal sunshine of the spotless mind.” how can i forget what it is, being as substantial or important as i feel it was? there is that knee-jerk wisdom “well it must not have been that important.” which conjures the thought: “how does being able to remember something and importance correlate?”

perhaps i’ll remember it if i go watch sunshine again, or perhaps i’ll recall it at a later time.

*a tape recorder or recording device you say? i’ve recorded ideas but then i have to remember to go back and transcribe them and put them in order. this may work initially but eventually i fall off the horse and then the recordings turn into a nonsense-habit, the cassettes or electronic files simply piling up into compost oblivion.

time for tapioca

what a wildly time it is.
as the days proceed, as time rotates and processes, i find more and more a tangible connection to my presence.
i move through the medium with more texture and response. the sensation seems to grow.

it is an active-wow. a widened aperture that retains a generous depth of field.

i feel good even in my isolation. i can only imagine what it would be like to have more interactions, more hanging outs and whatnot nonsense. i am not the most socially-gifted person, i lack continual experience. i think it's mainly because i don't really indulge in many social functions. i do try but i become exhausted from more energy being put into the whole process than is being regenerated. not by choice but by result, i find myself removed from those places and situations over time.

it makes me think about the way of being human. there are so many "ways" of doing things. there is alot of confusion over this with all the various perspectives out there. not to mention the labels we are handed: good, bad, right, wrong.. it's supposed to be this way, or that way.

connection to ones self is good. where all else becomes white noise. you can finally hear your own balance and smile at that awareness.

reaction

i don’t think we really choose our friends, i feel that we realize when that state exists or when it has faded. i also believe that trust happens in this same way. we do not assign trust or “give” it, it exists on its own. so this leads me to “favourites” or what we favour. are we so in control of what we like? or is this too an eventuality of attribute and element? do we just decide we do or do not like a thing or is it that we merely realize the state of existing rhythms?
at most we have an influence on the above things, definitely not control. at least not a control that is balanced.
this is not to say we do not have choice or purpose. hardly anything, if at all, is defined and static. we continue on with ourselves doing our best, trying to be good and survive and adapt.

quite quiet

questions that start out as “why are you so _______” are not ones i do well with. they are a kind of “loaded” exposition rather than question; i understand the emotional caliber being fired, but i don’t do too well at social games. i stumble across what i initially believe to be a more straightforward question. and then, to that, how does one answer? where does one begin? because this kind of question is inherently existential. and i believe that those who ask questions in this way are not really wanting an existential journey through philosophical entanglements. if anything the ulterior motives and planking moods of an individual behind these questions would only be exacerbated by first, my bewildered and awkward state, or second, my seemingly cheeky disdain. of which, usually, neither apply.
so: “why are you so quiet.” that is a question i am familiar with. and because of my long experience with this, and others similar, i’ve been made to observe it’s effect and consequences and more importantly the dynamic it exists-in and influences: human culture.
and yet, i still stumble, and fall. i am who i am and the questioner is who they are; and we move about until our shapes fit.

and i find that i will ask questions similarly-worded, but i tend to pull those punches because something inside me doesn’t feel right. my knowledge tells my learned instincts and habits to cut it out. don’t play games. don’t mince words.
so i stumble some more on essentially “second guessing.”


at times, maybe lots of times, i find myself on the edge of a kind of respect. on one hand i don’t want to intrude on others, on the other hand i want to speak up and prompt conversation with others. some will not like it, some will. and i have to remind myself that it is worth it, it is a good. i am not talkative unless i find rhythms to talk. and then it is exponentially driven. so i am still relatively quiet.

lately i’ve been finding myself experimenting, in ways, speaking more when i would normally be quiet. interacting when i would normally leave well-enough-alone. i believe these actions to be inspired by my want for connection and sharing.
to share one’s own gatherings- i feel an urge to do so. is this an instinct? i believe so. i feel it is “written” somewhere in our brains to be receptive and contributor to the social element of our evolved state.
so, through embarrassment or awkward, quirky moments, i continue on with the ideal of the “human social group,” the charm of communication.

mind the hat

thinkingcap
Originally uploaded by sr. mzocoxito

the red hats that i wear take on as many meanings as there are moods in me or situations abound.

my hat is my familiar, it is my delicate-me, it is the protection of my mindle ("mental fiddle"-imagination), the clarity of epiphany, it is serendipitous chance, and inevitable change. the red represents change and the dynamic of existence, it says "organic" and feels warm like a comforting embrace. red also reminds me of the fantastic of the temporary and that i should not wait. be patient when needed- yes, but don't wait to do what intuition conjures for you.

examining "corn"

corn
Originally uploaded by sr. mzocoxito

this is a "copy" of an original 64px by 64px pixel-medium "painting" that i created in pixen (there is no dpaint soft for modern apple computers) for a friend of mine. i used to work as a pixel monkey/pusher back in the early 90's and the world of blocks, cubes, pixel, and isometry became ingrained in me.
overall pixel is just another medium- tool, but i do enjoy playing with those little bits of electric squares.

ultimately art is a byproduct of observation, collected experience, the dynamic of everything that exists at the point of its(art) creation. this piece, at 64x64px would not garner much attention in a gallery. could it even be displayed in a gallery "effectively." how would you sell pixel art at actual pixel size and format(electronic file)? as it is this image has been blown up substantially to be displayed at an general-appreciative size. can you imagine patrons walking around a huge gallery-space squinting at small monitors displaying pixel art in the only way it truly can be displayed (by monitor)? it is no longer actual pixel art if it is printed or enlarged or otherwise represented.

art is. art that sells is defined by that result. art that is famous is defined by that result.

art is a fart. a byproduct. appreciation and awareness define it otherwise.

oxidation

appetite
Originally uploaded by sr. mzocoxito

there are many delicious items about. in the city. here and there.

what happens when there is so much possibility that it all becomes one whole impenetrable block?
i am fascinated by the carpet in my apartment, all it's stains and variations- old as it is, it has many stories; grass patches, signs, people in automobiles, asphaltings, clouds, and.. all that kind of thing.

it doesn't take much to get a buzz over the way of things.

farewell night

i arrived at work today at the usual time. however, and this little detail has alot of influence, i was late. late because there was a department meeting an hour before i got here. the hour meetings are mandatory overtime for a person who works the abnormal shift. only three other employees at the huge LLC i work at share this honor.
for the day staff employees they simply make their way over to the appropriate meeting room. no overtime- the meeting starts at 4pm and ends at 5pm.

but the gripe got away from me and mangled my evening here. i was doing so well too. it rained today and that was nice. i like turning off my wipers while stopped, it's funny because there are stopped cars with their wipers set on high wiping like mad. even funnier (at least i can't help chortling or cracking-off some air-pops) is when the rain has stopped and there goes those cars with their furious wipers beating the crap out of that nonexistant moisture.
i like turning off my wipers because of the kaleidorainshield-effect you get. since i work the evening shift, and when it rains on my drive home, i get some neet displays with an un-wiped windshield. the light columns on wet paths have me wishing that i could dive down there to find the end. as it is, i feel like i'm flying above that chasm of reflection.
i feel this same way on highly reflective floors, especially when there is a rug you can stand on and then peer over the edge down at the reflective abyss. when i leap off the rug my other self keeps me up by matching me foot by foot.

the rain has stopped and it's time to go home (i'm writing this from the after-shift of work). i feel like a slushy. they have orange-cream slushes at qt(quick trip) gas stations. those are good. they don't have the spoon-straws however. too bad. but not that bad. i threw my neck off earlier today so i'll go relax with my slushy (i hope the machine is working) and clean a bit, foodle with some personal illustrations, listen to some shoegazing selections, and look at the cool bottle of limoncello i was given by an executive at work. i had to out-dib a fellow associate who i like to think is a lush (with all the drink-related talk she readily shares).
see-thru is an attraction for me. and though the bottle is frosted glass it still has that see-thru charm.

oh, and i have to rip "human behaviour" to mp3. my eyes got big when i realized björk wasn't on my lists.

not of my creation

experience is a medium that is secreted away to the individual.

a secret committed only to the individual.

interpretation and dubious documentation is the only way of ultimately sharing experience.